vet visit

Today our shadow crossed the rainbow bridge. Lasombre was with us for 14, maybe 15 years. I was looking over my earliest entries and 2003 has a mention of her.

She had a lump in her jaw that we had removed just a little bit ago, and we noticed this week, she had trouble eating, and wasn't licking water, but biting at everything to get it into her. She was drooling - we figured this was a side effect from the surgery, but the loss of the use of her tongue worried us. Bruce noticed blood in the drool, so we ended up going to the vet today. There was a lump in her throat, blocking everything. The vet was willing to operate, but when I asked her survivability, I received no answer. When the vet left, one of the nurses told us it would be best to let her go. A second nurse looked her over and agreed. She had been anescthetized so her mouth could be examined.

I didn't want to make that choice. I really didn't . There was a comic by Robot Hugs, that was about promises to be kept. I didn't want to keep it, but I had to. I was there to tell her she was a wonderful kitty, and a good cat, and to be free.


I will miss you, my shadow kitty. You've taken your last shadow and ported far away. I hope to see you again someday, on the other side.

vet visit

Much happier human. We took Lasombre to the vet on Saturday, and got her stitches out. Got the results from, the lab.

The lab has no clue what the growth was, just that it was not cancer. So, much happier, and now Lasombre can grow back her fur, and be all snuggly. She's still getting more food than usual, due to the fact she's still under 7 lbs (and our other 13 + year veteran is almost 20 lbs.

vet visit

I know, I do a lot of those. Normally these are for Desi (Odysseus) who is my diabetic 13 year old cat.

Not this time.

I have three cats - Desi, Lasombre, and Reinheart. Reinheart was a cat that adopted a group of us living together when we were living by Churchill Downs. She got into the house after her kittens were rehomed, and when the Collective broke apart, she came home with me and my husband. Desi was found in a yucca plant, treed by my dad's dashound, Scarlett, in NC, and hence went on an Odyssey to live with the three sirens (Nyara was still with us then. She made it to 20 and passed across the bridge). Lasombre was found in the engine of a van across the street from our house, and was a rescue, about 13.5 years ago.

Lasombre was the one we took to the vet today. She has a swelling on the side of her jaw, which we were hoping, against hope, that it was an impacted tooth. We had noticed she had lost a tooth and was being a bit picky eating the wet food, but if we mooshed it down, she'd lick it from the plate. The spot has gotten furless from her rubbing on it, and we went to have her checked out.

Well. It is a tumor, and may be attached to the bone. We have to go back on Friday, leave her at the vet, to have the surgery done, which may be 5-7 hours. We're supposed to pick her up on Saturday, if all goes well. During that time, the vet (Bluecross vet in town) will send a tumor slice to have a biopsy done. It is supposed to be graded on a scale of 1-5(possibly 6), higher number, the faster the growth (malignant) , that can take up to 2 weeks. And the price will be somewhere between $500-$800 to do this.

So, I'm scared. She's a sweet shadow dancer kitty, whose tail fluffs up like a Christmas tree when happy. She's 6.9 and dainty. My husband saw the lump last weekend, but I hadn't seen it, so that doesn't sound good. I love my kitties, but, I know they're older. 2 13.5s and 1 9 year old. Nyara made it to 20, and I know some that barely made it to 7. Still, I love her/them, and I cannot have them suffer.


Jan 14th

The last week has been a rough one. Back in December, we were told by my mother in law that she had cancer, that she would need surgery to have both ovaries removed and possibly the cervix. As we do not live in North Carolina, and her stubborn nature (family trait), she didn't want us down to help.

However, my husband has been named executor of the will. Many, probably most people panic and are scared when they hear the big C diagnosis. I probably would. But she lives alone, his father passed a couple years ago, and was scared. She was calling , trying to make arrangements for her estate, how to break things up, and what needed to be done in a series of calls and texts, as well as voicemails. Her surgery was Jan 12th.

So, been running on adrenaline. Due to that , 5 day headaches that had me call in on Monday that week. Mostly to prepare: clean house up, clean out fridge, pack emergency bags and supplies, get car gassed up, and make sure all laundry was done, in case we had to go.

She's home today. I was supposed to go to a memorial service for Steve today, whose battles with diabetes took him out a couple weeks ago. I feel terrible. I couldn't go. All the adrenaline, fear and plans I had crashed as the adrenaline keeping me sleepless and stressed vanished. I have a migraine right now, and I feel bad that I wasn't there.

2016 was when he was lost, he went into a coma around Christmas eve, and FB wasn't showing notifications about his condition. I learned about it Christmas day, that he was in the hospital.

I wish I could have been there, but my own body crashed. I will recover, haven't been hungry or eating much, mind too active to sleep. And the hospital wants me to have The Talk about assisted living for my mother in law as she lives alone, on a larger unkempt property.

You will be missed, Steve. Your LARP characters were always larger than life and you were a good person as well.

My new Years post, 2016's farewell

I know its been awhile...thought I would post here, and keep my thoughts for the past year, and hope for a brighter year.

2016 has not been a good year
I've had people say that , compared to other years and events - Holocaust, 911, refugees escaping war zones, world wars, this is a drop in the bucket. Perhaps. I will admit the war torn world saddens me too, but it is less…personal.
A lot of famous people have passed this year- some at the fullness of their lives, others abruptly cut short. No, they weren't people I personally knew, but their loss cuts keenly against my soul. Just because you haven't physically met someone doesn't mean that they have not had an impact on your life.
Through their gifts of words: Harper Lee, with to Kill a Mockingbird, which was part of my love of reading. Watership Down, a story of bunnies, life, and death, by Richard Adams, explored my sense of wonder, and was one of my earliest books. It was one of my first visions of death “My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.” Elie Wiesel - Night. It was a shock, a look into a horrific world that sticks with me still today. Some books and images get engraved upon your heart, your soul ad being. This scarred me, and made me less blind to the world around me, to injustices, to the horrific power of a leader, charismatic, and bigoted, that was willing to kill to have their ideal world.
Through their gift of acting: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Ron Glass, Anton Yelchin, Jerry Doyle, Kenny Baker, Gene Wilder, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds. Some of many. David Bowie will always be my Goblin King, and when days were rough, I would watch Labyrinth to feel better. There were days that I would wish the Goblin King would take me away. Alan Rickman was the voice of God, in Dogma, and Snape. He brought magic to my world and made me thing that sometimes, the first impression is incorrect - look deeper. Ron Glass and Jerry Doyle were my Garibaldi and Sheppard Book, taught to have faith when things were at their worst, that we could keep going in the darkness of the night. Anton, you were taken too early. Gene Wilder - a wild and crazy man, who took us through our golden ticket, to another world of pure imagination, and that there are sometimes hazards in a idyllic paradise, that you must be aware. Debbie Reynolds, you were scattered through my past, but your magic lit the world as well. And Kenny Baker, Carrie Fisher- you were my gateway to space, to a galaxy far far away. I've loved Star Wars all my life, and there was a great disturbance when you were taken.

The gift of Music: David Bowie, George Martin, Frank Sinatra, Prince, Leonard Cohen, George Michael. Yes, David Bowie again. The movie was the gateway to his music. He made me smile and dance…and cry through his gift of song …"Ground control to Major Tom…" George Martin, Beatle, enough said. Without them, the world would have been a very different place. Sinatra, the crooner, the backdrop of so many dinners and movies, that would always make things better, Leonard Cohen - Halleluiah is one of my favorite songs "Love is not a Victory March…" so true. George Michael - Faith is the song that sits in my head, from high school, from school dances, and the craziness of growing up. And Prince. Same, but with a personal note. I will remember "1999" for Hurricane Floyd, as the waters rose, and that was the only song on that station, in a loop. I had tapes with his songs, and high school would have been so different without him.

And there were those who shook the world: Muhammed Ali, John Glenn, Janet Reno, Nancy Reagan, Antonin Scalia, Fidel Castro. I remember watching fights and the Olympics. I live in Louisville which was The Champs hometown, and the spirit this community has because of his influence is amazing. Changing his name, fighting , he made such an impact on sports and the world as an ambassador. John Glenn - you orbited the earth, the first American in space, and saw this wonderful fragile blue and green marbled planet from its nearest neighbor. You helped light the flame to explore space, which saddens me that we aren't going as far anymore. Nancy Reagan, first lady, you affected our nation through your actions and grace, and Janet Reno's rulings affected the laws of our nation as did Scalia's. Though I may not have approved of his rulings, he was definitely a force on politics and law as was Castro. They affected the world through joy and sorrow, and shaped the place and mind I am today.
The election and the fears behind it for myself, for friends and family haunts me this year, and I found out in December my mother in law has cancer. More than just the celebrity loss, but those other factors out there too.
2016 - maybe not as many lost as 9/11, true. But these people affected my youth and who I am, shaping me to the person I am today. Maybe in the large scale, a drop in the bucket, but to me, an ocean of discovery, change and growth. You will be missed. But I will be glad when that last bell tolls midnight, and a new year comes through.
May 2017 be a brighter new year and may our hearts be lighter, and bring joy to those around us.


2012 was a mixed year that started plummeting toward the end.

Losing coworkers, losing Bruce's dad....

I hit 40 in April this year. I had started out hoping I could find someone else to share my life with and it seems I can never meet people. Joined a larp in Lexington KY which has, over time, just devolved into drama. I feel I go , not for fun, but obligation at this point.

May, memorial day. Rio was making noises. We take her in, and we are told that it looks like a rod had displaced in the engine, and it could shoot out anytime - from 5 minutes to 5 years. We end up getting Telara Melange, our Marshmallow Kia Soul. The lighs are really neat on the speakers, and she has a moon roof.

May - Bruce is diagnosed as diabetic. We try to remove sugar and lower carbs in the house.

I visited my dad in July, for his 70th birthday. This really brought me face to face with mortality. The fact that he looks so old, and well, just all the changes through time. He talks about plans for after he is gone. I wonder if there are things I am not being told, as I'm the sensitive one. My brother Craig, and his wife, Amber were there as well.

In September, we drove to visit Bruce's dad, basically to say goodbye. He had cancer in his lungs, and pneumonia as well. He couldn't take chemo, because he was too weak. He seemed in fairlygood spirits when we were there. I got a little teddy bear, and put baseball emblems on it. As Bruce and I had difficulty saying anything, as our throats closed with tears, I bought a notwbook, and wrote what we were feeling, and that we were saying goodbye.

We flew down October 31st, to attend his funeral on Friday. The day after he was moved to hospice care, he passed away, possibly from the trauma of being moved.

I remember TSA threatening to get silver bullets to shoot me, as I was wearing fox ears. Not a werewolf folks...a were fox:P

Positive - I think the rift between Bruce and his mother is patched. I think it took his dad, pointing out, that she as driving us away, to ask us to come, as he was dying, that caused this to happen.

I fell in love with a flash based MMO called Glitch, but that was taken away, as the company could not keep its servers going. I was there to the end, with over a hundred people in my room in Ur, when the server restarted. There's still a lot of us crying, as it was a wonderful community of like minded folks, non violent, funny in a lot of ways. I could actually contribute to the global chat and listen, as adults were discussing intelligent topics, and not judging each other.

I met pagans, christians, gays, straights, poly and singles -every color under the Glitchen rainbow. It was such a wonderful place, and, in a way, we are creating support groups for each other, across facebook, google plus, and other sites. I am considering, should we hit origins or gencon this year, creating a Glitchen costume, and see if anyone recogniizes it.

December, I visited Awfulhorrid, and his other sweeties and friends for Yule. Bruce drove down, and we stayed overnight and drove back on sunday (with cheese, of course). We had a lot of fun, and he got to meet people I have been talking about, for years.

Nyara, our cat is 19 years old now. SHe's so thin, that we have started feeding her some gooshyfood at night. I worry about her, and what will happen when she passes. I rent now, so don't know where I would put her shell...I know, worry about it when it happens. But she is so light and old.

A lot of sorrow, a parcel of joy. I'm dealing with the holidays, and feeling burned out right now. I know I don't need to have a bunch of sweeties to feel loved, but I just wonder if I am driving people off. I'm trying to lose weight by exersizing, but it seems I lose a couple and gain them back. Sigh.

I'm hoping for a brighter 2013. Maybe more love, I hope more light, and more beauty.

Yule party trip

Just got back from WI. I had a lovely time visiting, and seeing my sweetie, and far away friends - Awfulhorrid, bookwyrm, greengoddess, merseine, clarkparker, cmerun12, her husband, J (who I've met in passing before as well).

This time I brought my husband Quicklift with me as well. We drove up and got lost. The directions took us through downtown Chicago, and we missed an exit and ended up in Merango. Came back without getting lost. :) Had to stop at Woodman's to get cheese :)

It was odd, compared to my last time up for Yule. For one thing, no snow or ice. We were forced to pet Bella, and Lorenzo purred loudly. Tybals allowed me to pet him too.

Missed seeing Dali and crew, but health reasons are a very valid reason not to be present.

It was a pretty good trip, as far as travel. It's always neat to go by the wind farm, and got to see a lot of pretty light displays (and some overkill ones as well). The O'Hare trees are pretty :)

It was really nice seeing people again. I need to see if I can somehow arrange another trip, and sneak off with the odog for a couple days. Ah, time...sigh.

Thankk you for everything, everyone!

what the fox has been up to lately

Life in general:

I know, I've been bad about posting here.

I'm doing work on a special project at work, with our AC team.We do a month of entering info in Salesforce and then go back to our teams. They picked me to come back when one of the 6 chosen, declined the opportunity. We have 2 of us a month doing this. I'm learing a lot about the AC position this way.

We had to go visit Bruce's dad, early in October. We drove up and back in 4 days. He passed away and his funeral was Nov 2.We flew down at 5 am on Halloween, where I was harassed by TSA. I was wearing my fox ears, and they threatened to get out the silver bullets. We flew back Sunday night and got home around 10 pm. Dad came by to the funeral, so I got to see him for a few hours. He still questions why I left NC. I feel some breakthroughs were made with his mother. I hope so.

Bruce was diagnosed diabetic, though his tests show really good levels. We've been removing sugars from the house and are trying better carb options, like Dreamfields. I've been trying to make sure that I am not eating or drinking it around him. I have lost some weight. I am currently 252 lbs. I was around 265. I lose about a pound or 2 a month.

I've been going to Lexington 2 x a month to larp, with new WOD characters for Vampire, Mage and Changeling. I also was out, for the first time,in over a year, to lazer tag. Also playing Glitch. If you want an invite, let me know:)


AT the last minute, Bruce and I decided to go to Origins last weekend.

It was a little bittersweet. We were only there from Friday ninght-early Sunday. Things have changed since the last time I was there: no more Looney Labs, no more swag bags, a different date..... North Market was still there (and yummy, I might add :) ). I didn't really see much I wanted to buy from the dealer's room this time - I'm not sure if it was financial worry, as we just purchased a Soul,or not seeing much in my size, or just the dealers were not selling stuff I liked this time.

I missed seeing people, and the Labs were definitely part of the reaswon for that. That was where I generally saw people I knew, besides going to the Larps.

I hope it isn't because I am growing older or growing up. That would be sad....

However - roasted strawberry ice cream from Jeni's in North Market....garlic butter from the Pastaria.......mmmmmmmmmmmmm. My feet weren't happy with me, but they recovered :)

Bruce got a couple games - Innovations, and its sequel/expansion, traders and builders for carcassone. I bought the little carcassone box with the crystal meeples in it. I also got a hairstick with 3 mini d4 dangling from it, and a scalemail butterfly necklace.

Honestly, was too shy to approach Will Wheaton and Felicia Day.

Oh, and I gave blood. The vampires were hungry :) And yes, I ate before giving blood, too.

(no subject)

I saw foxes over the weekend. Bat eared foxes. Fennic. Grey fox. baby foxes.

Pallas cats, sand cats, blackfoot cats.

Cincinnati zoo was fun - wish I had more time there :)